The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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