ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
