I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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