Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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