They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
