i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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