i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
