Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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