I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize