I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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