How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
