I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
worst night to have a conscience
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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