it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I need a burrito and a hug.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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