I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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