I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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