hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
