I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
