Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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