Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
