How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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