ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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