she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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