i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I can text with my tongue
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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