Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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