I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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