if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize