Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
