What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize