Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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