He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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