Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think I sprained my soul last night
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
