Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
