here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
