i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
