I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
