don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
