Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
