you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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