so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She announced her abortion via fbk
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize