moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
