I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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