I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
