Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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