thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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