Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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