I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can text with my tongue
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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