ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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