he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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