accomplished twins. life is a go
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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