yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
