why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
