he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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