can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
