I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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