Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Is it penis luge time yet?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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