Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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