Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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