respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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