He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
