eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
