With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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