cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
