I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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