I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
