5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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