I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
