dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
