It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
