i can't believe i had my finger in that
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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