new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
