I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
that may or may not have been my penis.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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