He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
